God, how I miss that wonderful smile of recognition as you walk into a classroom and have the relief of seeing someone you know-can sit with-can talk to. For me, for now, it's just a smile of acknowledgement--yes, we've met eyes and the polite thing to do is smile and nod, or smile and mouth-without making actual sound-the word "hello" or "hi." And attempting to make conversation in these embryonic stages is a lesson in futility at best! (What a nice collegiate sentence!!) You ask about classes: do you have this textbook or that, have you had the prof. before, is this you major. Words trickle and fade and whisper out of existence, and silence just settles in again, except for those people who know each other and are enjoying the thrill of speech.
Bloody hell! Don't let me have to make a speech in front of this class of strangers! The professor hasn't even walked in the door and I'm strangling with fear over a presentation I don't even know if I have to give or not.
And I only have to go through this madness another three times today. I wonder if my poor heart will stand it?
(You can tell I'm nervous...I'm waxing poetic!)
Later:Thank all the gods and goddesses that have ever existed in the universe!! I do not have to give one presentation this semester!!!!
Now-for those of you smug pusses who perhaps don't like giving presentation, but still-like the brave little soldiers you are-get up there and muster up the courage to go for it: Fuck You! I'm not trying to be rude, but there is just something about presentations-at least as a student giving one-that are so bloody awful they make me want to retch and die! If I was a teacher in front of a class, an actor in front of an audience, or even an interviewee in front of a panel of interviewers (all of which I've been before, so I speak that which I know) I would find it easier to cope with.
But ye gods and little fishes! Those dull, vacant, zombie-like stares, glazed eyes, slack jaws, professor in the corner furiously taking notes as you speak, the horrible dawning realization that you don't really know what the hell you're talking about----the horror, the horror.
Yes, I know I have to get used to it sometime, but not now. New place, new culture, new school, new everything!! At least give me a semester, people! (Ha ha ha, as if that would actually help my speech phobia!!)
All my classes went well, with the exception of the first one. I had worked myself into such a lather that I ended up running out of class as the prof. lectured to run to the bathroom! How sad is that?? I certainly hope this will not be a regular occurrence. I spoke to the prof. later though, and we actually had a rather nice chat. I think he will fast become one of my faves, and I hope like hell I left a better impression with him than the one of me darting past him as he lectured!
And one last thing for this entry: this school was built in 1962 and looks it! I'm sitting in seats that are actually attached to the desk tops (and we're not talking lecture theatre here, just regular classroom desks). And I swear that someone has most definitely killed themselves in each of the bathrooms! (Not the same person, of course. A different person for each W.C.) I'll definitely send pics soon.
Well kids, I'm out of here. German homework awaits and I plan to use the facilities before class to try and save myself a bit of panic!!
The horror, the horror....
Folklorist, hopeful writer, researcher, even-more-hopeful professor, lady-beast who is writing about travel, weirdness, research, thesis woes, and trying to just not run into the wall when walking.
Wednesday, 3 September 2003
Tuesday, 2 September 2003
Falling forward...
Well, well, well, faithful fans. I'm back and almost ready for action! Let's here it for school computer labs: Hip Hip Hooray!! Without it, I would still be the voiceless little ragamuffin I've been for the past 2 weeks. And those who know me understand--that just can't be!!
So, I've been in Merry Ol' St.John's for about 2 weeks. I arrived on the 18th of August at about 1:30am Newfoundland time, all alone and confused as hell! There were people waiting at the airport for their loved ones, and I had a moment as I realized that no one was there for me. Awww, poor me.
The Newfoundland cab drivers, a blustery-mad-driving-but-kind-hearted lot soon took me in hand, and 2 or 3 of them got my bags into the boot, and my driver and I whisked away into the rainy Newfoundland night. He was very kind as I told him that I was not staying for a week or two, but at least 3 years:"Jesus Christ, my love, what the hell would you be wanting to do that for!"I told him I was a student and knew no one, at which he said:"Ah, my love. I have a friend as comes from Toronto. He didn't know no one when hecome, and just decided to go to the pub for something to do. Well, three weeks later it was his turn to cook everyone supper!"Very sweet. The hotel was a welcome thing, as I had a bath and a bed to recoup after my looooong day of travel. The next day I had another Toad of Toad Hall at the wheel, and we flew through the streets of St.John's, him pointing out the different places and the school, and me hanging on for dear life! Once again, the cabbie took pity on me and said that I'd make friends in no time, and hefted my 70 - 80 lb bags as if they were kittens! When I commented on his fine set of Newfie muscle, he took his hat off, turned red, wiped his face and said: "None of that, now, none of that." and ran to his cab and peeled off. Too cute.
So, my landlord is one of the sweetest men, and he's put the word out to the building that the poor student from BC has no furniture. So, it comes trickling in: a single bed, an end table, a wicker rocker, a stolen chair from the seniors room (landlord did this, not me!), a lamp. Soon I'll actually be a real apartment dweller again, and not a squatter!! And, I've taken to keeping a sharp eye on the garbage shed out back. It opens with an actual door, and someone actually threw out a perfectly good dresser! It just needs a bit of fixing on the drawers, which should be no problem. Yep, squatter, dumpster diver, penniless-I've really come up in the world!!
And, I already have a few friends in the building! A few older ladies on my floor get to walking around the park, and I am one pair of huffing lungs among them!! These women couldn't be more kind, gracious, and thoughtful. Without them I think I'd still feel like a piece of flotsam (or jetsom??) floating around like a dead seal in the Atlantic! Slowly, I'm getting myself aclimmated to the new surroundings.Though I was surprised to find that I have an accent! I never had one before, so I'm not sure where it came from...maybe the plane??
So, the next entry will be one of school and classes! And some pictures will follow very soon, as well.
Stay tuned to the same Puffin time, same Puffin channel!!
V.F.
p.s.some Newfoundland terms (perhaps a whole section will follow as I gather these up)
"around the Bay" or "down the Bay"--anywhere outside of the city"decked out"--dressed up nicely, as for evening out"kick you in the cussocks"--not entirely sure, but it must have something to do with the male addendums
So, I've been in Merry Ol' St.John's for about 2 weeks. I arrived on the 18th of August at about 1:30am Newfoundland time, all alone and confused as hell! There were people waiting at the airport for their loved ones, and I had a moment as I realized that no one was there for me. Awww, poor me.
The Newfoundland cab drivers, a blustery-mad-driving-but-kind-hearted lot soon took me in hand, and 2 or 3 of them got my bags into the boot, and my driver and I whisked away into the rainy Newfoundland night. He was very kind as I told him that I was not staying for a week or two, but at least 3 years:"Jesus Christ, my love, what the hell would you be wanting to do that for!"I told him I was a student and knew no one, at which he said:"Ah, my love. I have a friend as comes from Toronto. He didn't know no one when hecome, and just decided to go to the pub for something to do. Well, three weeks later it was his turn to cook everyone supper!"Very sweet. The hotel was a welcome thing, as I had a bath and a bed to recoup after my looooong day of travel. The next day I had another Toad of Toad Hall at the wheel, and we flew through the streets of St.John's, him pointing out the different places and the school, and me hanging on for dear life! Once again, the cabbie took pity on me and said that I'd make friends in no time, and hefted my 70 - 80 lb bags as if they were kittens! When I commented on his fine set of Newfie muscle, he took his hat off, turned red, wiped his face and said: "None of that, now, none of that." and ran to his cab and peeled off. Too cute.
So, my landlord is one of the sweetest men, and he's put the word out to the building that the poor student from BC has no furniture. So, it comes trickling in: a single bed, an end table, a wicker rocker, a stolen chair from the seniors room (landlord did this, not me!), a lamp. Soon I'll actually be a real apartment dweller again, and not a squatter!! And, I've taken to keeping a sharp eye on the garbage shed out back. It opens with an actual door, and someone actually threw out a perfectly good dresser! It just needs a bit of fixing on the drawers, which should be no problem. Yep, squatter, dumpster diver, penniless-I've really come up in the world!!
And, I already have a few friends in the building! A few older ladies on my floor get to walking around the park, and I am one pair of huffing lungs among them!! These women couldn't be more kind, gracious, and thoughtful. Without them I think I'd still feel like a piece of flotsam (or jetsom??) floating around like a dead seal in the Atlantic! Slowly, I'm getting myself aclimmated to the new surroundings.Though I was surprised to find that I have an accent! I never had one before, so I'm not sure where it came from...maybe the plane??
So, the next entry will be one of school and classes! And some pictures will follow very soon, as well.
Stay tuned to the same Puffin time, same Puffin channel!!
V.F.
p.s.some Newfoundland terms (perhaps a whole section will follow as I gather these up)
"around the Bay" or "down the Bay"--anywhere outside of the city"decked out"--dressed up nicely, as for evening out"kick you in the cussocks"--not entirely sure, but it must have something to do with the male addendums
Sunday, 17 August 2003
This is the next post...
So, i'm sitting in the toronto international airport, writing this on the worlds stickiest, crappiest, most hard to push keypad! the flight was a blast, it was everything good that everyone said it would be, it wasn't scary or nauseating or anything. i think my family and friends will shudder to note that i may have developed a taste for travel.
Ye gods and little fishes-how weird is this? I can't believe i'm really here doing this. it's ten to five eastern time and my connector flight leaves at 7 40. then i'm actually in St.John's. wunderbar! It's so surreal to be here, surrounded by fellow travellers, looking out the window at all the docked planes, typing on a pc that probably has some mad, crazy germs on it. thank god for Purell!The weirdest thing about travelling for me is that I always connect with some form of fellow woman traveller. On the bus, it's usually little, old ladies telling me about grandbabies and lost husbands. Today it was a 13 year old on her way home from visiting relatives. She is worried about starting grade 8 at a new school, she really wants a rottweiler pup to name spike, and she loves her stuffed animals. She also has a 13 year old attention span and was almost going crazy with boredom by the end of the flight. she was very peeved and embarassed when the fight attendant told her she would have to be escorted to her mom, as she is underage.
The actual departure from vancouver really happened without a twitch, and though there was a few tears-you know who you are cryers!-i made it to the departure gate with little fuss. once through, i proceeded to act like a shaved monkey for the security staff, but they were kind and patient. I guess that airport tax of $10 really did pay for something.
So, i bought postcards and am going to go fill them out as i am just that lame.
Next entry will be from the rock itself! not sure when i can get it out, i'll probably hit an internet cafe somewhere along the way. Some new images will be forthcoming just as soon as time and money allow for picture developing.
So hello from t.o. and talk to you soon from the moon.
Venus Fangs, graceful traveller
Ye gods and little fishes-how weird is this? I can't believe i'm really here doing this. it's ten to five eastern time and my connector flight leaves at 7 40. then i'm actually in St.John's. wunderbar! It's so surreal to be here, surrounded by fellow travellers, looking out the window at all the docked planes, typing on a pc that probably has some mad, crazy germs on it. thank god for Purell!The weirdest thing about travelling for me is that I always connect with some form of fellow woman traveller. On the bus, it's usually little, old ladies telling me about grandbabies and lost husbands. Today it was a 13 year old on her way home from visiting relatives. She is worried about starting grade 8 at a new school, she really wants a rottweiler pup to name spike, and she loves her stuffed animals. She also has a 13 year old attention span and was almost going crazy with boredom by the end of the flight. she was very peeved and embarassed when the fight attendant told her she would have to be escorted to her mom, as she is underage.
The actual departure from vancouver really happened without a twitch, and though there was a few tears-you know who you are cryers!-i made it to the departure gate with little fuss. once through, i proceeded to act like a shaved monkey for the security staff, but they were kind and patient. I guess that airport tax of $10 really did pay for something.
So, i bought postcards and am going to go fill them out as i am just that lame.
Next entry will be from the rock itself! not sure when i can get it out, i'll probably hit an internet cafe somewhere along the way. Some new images will be forthcoming just as soon as time and money allow for picture developing.
So hello from t.o. and talk to you soon from the moon.
Venus Fangs, graceful traveller
Saturday, 16 August 2003
This is the one between 4 and 6
So, this is my last entry from the Western half of Canada for a while. My flight leaves very, very, sickenly early tomorrow morning. It's been a strange time, just preparing to leave, visiting family, etc. It feels like tomorrow nothing will change, everything will remain just as it has been for the past 3 years.
I'm wonderfully excited, horribly nervous, disgustingly sad, and just plain tired. Travelling back to the Lower Mainland today was exhausting, and I kept looking at the trees, especially those rainforest-y type things, looking at the mountains, and thinking how much I love it here. It almost makes me feel like I don't want to give any other place a chance, because I don't want to fall in love with other places that I will eventually have to leave. And yet, every new fit and start in my life is just so incredibly rewarding.
So, until next time boys and girls...
Goodbye from the West Coast and soon to follow-Hello from the East!
I'm wonderfully excited, horribly nervous, disgustingly sad, and just plain tired. Travelling back to the Lower Mainland today was exhausting, and I kept looking at the trees, especially those rainforest-y type things, looking at the mountains, and thinking how much I love it here. It almost makes me feel like I don't want to give any other place a chance, because I don't want to fall in love with other places that I will eventually have to leave. And yet, every new fit and start in my life is just so incredibly rewarding.
So, until next time boys and girls...
Goodbye from the West Coast and soon to follow-Hello from the East!
Thursday, 14 August 2003
Wait for it.....fourth...
Well, I'm feeling like quite the Space Age minx with myown little site! What a wonderful thing for such acomputer illiterate thing such as I.So, before I explain my self, I need to thank my lovely brother for putting this all together for me. He is my Web Master extraordinaire! If he hadn't put up with me and all my cracked out ideas it would have never been put up at all. His patience is endless. Although, it should be noted that it was only after he actually did what I told him that things came together.
And now, what the hell does "Venus in Fangs" mean, and why do I want to add my crap to the already glutted World Wide Web? Well, the name is one I came up with a while back and thought it was just plain cool sounding. However, I'm not exactly known for my "cool quotient." I do like the name; I think it has a gothic sound, and also has a strong feminist feel. You can think spooky, but Venus was also a goddess, and the "Venus of Willendorf" is the name of the oldest goddess artifact ever found. So, a strong woman-or woman as goddess-image is created, and the fangs only make her seem more angry and wild. Now, I never said that I was a weird, wild, angry, goddess-like creature. I think that might actually be too cool for my present sedate lifestyle. However, this leads into the second topic-why have a site at all?
My intricately carved rut is about to be abandoned for a huge new landscape. Leaving BC, I'm heading from one coast to the other to attend University. The farthest Eastern city in North America, St.John's, Newfoundland, will be my new home for a few years while I work at getting my Bachelor and Masters degrees at Memorial University. Very weird. Very wild. Very wonderful. Also very vomit inducing, but we won't talk about that right now. So, in making the choice to run off to the Maritimes, to go without knowing anyone there, without ever having left BC before, without any knowledge of what to expect-yeah, I'm feeling pretty mighty right now. If this keeps up it can only be a matter of months before I'm throwing lightning bolts around!
So this is the experiment: can I survive and succeed, or will I surrender? By having a general voice here I can keep all those loved ones, aquaintances, etc. informed of the trials and tribulations, the wee and grand successes, the ups and downs of this lab project.
Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy the exploits of your intrepid explorer Venus in Fangs!
And now, what the hell does "Venus in Fangs" mean, and why do I want to add my crap to the already glutted World Wide Web? Well, the name is one I came up with a while back and thought it was just plain cool sounding. However, I'm not exactly known for my "cool quotient." I do like the name; I think it has a gothic sound, and also has a strong feminist feel. You can think spooky, but Venus was also a goddess, and the "Venus of Willendorf" is the name of the oldest goddess artifact ever found. So, a strong woman-or woman as goddess-image is created, and the fangs only make her seem more angry and wild. Now, I never said that I was a weird, wild, angry, goddess-like creature. I think that might actually be too cool for my present sedate lifestyle. However, this leads into the second topic-why have a site at all?
My intricately carved rut is about to be abandoned for a huge new landscape. Leaving BC, I'm heading from one coast to the other to attend University. The farthest Eastern city in North America, St.John's, Newfoundland, will be my new home for a few years while I work at getting my Bachelor and Masters degrees at Memorial University. Very weird. Very wild. Very wonderful. Also very vomit inducing, but we won't talk about that right now. So, in making the choice to run off to the Maritimes, to go without knowing anyone there, without ever having left BC before, without any knowledge of what to expect-yeah, I'm feeling pretty mighty right now. If this keeps up it can only be a matter of months before I'm throwing lightning bolts around!
So this is the experiment: can I survive and succeed, or will I surrender? By having a general voice here I can keep all those loved ones, aquaintances, etc. informed of the trials and tribulations, the wee and grand successes, the ups and downs of this lab project.
Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy the exploits of your intrepid explorer Venus in Fangs!
Friday, 8 August 2003
Third
Whoever said you can't go home again told the truth in a lying sort of way.
I'm visiting family until the big trek (only a week to go) and it's been rather interesting thus far.
I mean, we have our little tiffs, and my family still lives in the small town I grew up in-not a place I would ever live full-time again, and I shun the streets for fear of running into people I know from high school.
However, home as a feeling or where your family is-not so bad.
Although, it should be noted that I am extremely volatile right now. This feeling of love towards my family could just be the result of some odd chemical that is released from the brain in times of great stress. Yeah, that must be it.
I'm visiting family until the big trek (only a week to go) and it's been rather interesting thus far.
I mean, we have our little tiffs, and my family still lives in the small town I grew up in-not a place I would ever live full-time again, and I shun the streets for fear of running into people I know from high school.
However, home as a feeling or where your family is-not so bad.
Although, it should be noted that I am extremely volatile right now. This feeling of love towards my family could just be the result of some odd chemical that is released from the brain in times of great stress. Yeah, that must be it.
Wednesday, 6 August 2003
Second...
I have no job.
Yesterday was my last day at my sad little cheque cashing job. I say it was sad, and don't get me wrong it was, but it's also gone. Like, gone Daddy! I don't have to serve mouth breathers who make the term "Lowest Common Denominator" sound like praise. However, I also don't get to talk to those few people who made that job worthwhile. And I have no money. Poo.
I have no home.
A few days ago my roommate and I moved out of our messy, but comfortable, two-bedroom. It was too much hard work, and I have to wonder if we were actually more stereo-typical and "girlish" if we would have had an easier time of it. I mean, even in today's modern, urban, gender-bending freakout, there couldn't have been two more messy, college frat, truck driving type chicks! Lazy? We prefer the word comfortable!
I now stay with above mentioned roommate in bachelorette pad royale, and am visiting family. Great, but also merde.
I have no money.
I have too much crap to do, and not enough money to do it with. I strongly suspect that my accountant has mishandled my funds. By "accountant" I mean "me," of course.
Crap.
Yesterday was my last day at my sad little cheque cashing job. I say it was sad, and don't get me wrong it was, but it's also gone. Like, gone Daddy! I don't have to serve mouth breathers who make the term "Lowest Common Denominator" sound like praise. However, I also don't get to talk to those few people who made that job worthwhile. And I have no money. Poo.
I have no home.
A few days ago my roommate and I moved out of our messy, but comfortable, two-bedroom. It was too much hard work, and I have to wonder if we were actually more stereo-typical and "girlish" if we would have had an easier time of it. I mean, even in today's modern, urban, gender-bending freakout, there couldn't have been two more messy, college frat, truck driving type chicks! Lazy? We prefer the word comfortable!
I now stay with above mentioned roommate in bachelorette pad royale, and am visiting family. Great, but also merde.
I have no money.
I have too much crap to do, and not enough money to do it with. I strongly suspect that my accountant has mishandled my funds. By "accountant" I mean "me," of course.
Crap.
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